


Heal My Heart

by NavajoLovesDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcoholic Castiel, Alternate Universe, Angst, Doctor Castiel (Supernatural), Happy Ending, Hooker Dean Winchester, M/M, Prostitute Dean Winchester, mention of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 01:34:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19819816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavajoLovesDestiel/pseuds/NavajoLovesDestiel
Summary: Cas  tipped back the glass, drinking the last of his whiskey. He looked at the bartender, making eye contact and tapping his finger on the rim of his glass. The bartender refilled it and walked away.He was vaguely aware that someone took the stool next to him. He flinched when he heard a man’s voice close to his ear.“You look like you could use some company.”He ignored it.“Hey, handsome, I was talking to you.” The voice sounded amused.Cas turned his head to look at the intruder. He looked into the most beautiful face he’d ever seen, green eyes sparkling. “I don’t need company, thanks.”The man took a swallow of his beer. “You don’t? You look like someone killed your puppy.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Supernatural Trope Celebration  
> Thanks to my amazing artist, Mere Mortifer!  
> Thanks to my beta, maimalfoi87

Dr. Castiel James Novak sat on his usual stool in his usual bar, nursing his third shot. It was his usual because he was here every night of every week, drinking himself into the sweet oblivion that came after five or so shots.

He could have drank at home, sure. But he steadfastly refused to become the drunk that drank alone, in the dark of his apartment. That way led to the dragons. He told himself this was better. At least he wasn’t alone, although he kept his eyes on his glass. He never talked to anyone but the bartender, and then it was just to order another shot.

He never drove drunk. He’d seen the chaos that resulted from some drunk plowing into a car full of innocents. That was why this was his usual bar. It was in walking distance from his apartment building. 

He tipped back the glass, drinking the last of his whiskey. He looked at the bartender, making eye contact and tapping his finger on the rim of his glass. The bartender refilled it and walked away.

He was vaguely aware that someone took the stool next to him. He flinched when he heard a man’s voice close to his ear.

“You look like you could use some company.”

He ignored it. 

“Hey, handsome, I was talking to you.” The voice sounded amused.

Cas turned his head to look at the intruder. He looked into the most beautiful face he’d ever seen, green eyes sparkling. “I don’t need company, thanks.”

The man took a swallow of his beer. “You don’t? You look like someone killed your puppy.”

Cas sighed. He said his standard line whenever someone tried to talk to him. They got offended and left him alone after that.

“How much?”

The man laughed. It was full-bodied, like someone who laughed often and easily.

“Well, it’s twenty-five for a blow job, fifty for you to fuck me. Condom is required.”

Cas couldn’t have been more surprised if the guy was an alien who just stepped out of a spaceship.

“You’re a hooker.” It wasn’t a question. 

The guy smiled and Cas looked at the way his eyes crinkled when he did.

“Yep! Name’s Dean. And believe me, I’m worth every penny.”

Cas considered for a moment. Then he drank his shot down in one big swallow.

“Okay, sure. Come on.” He threw money down on the bar and stood up. He glanced at the bartender, who gave him a sour look. He walked out, assuming Dean was right behind him.

When they got outside, Dean grabbed his arm and tried to pull him towards the alley.

“What? No! I’m not going to get arrested for having sex in an alley. I’ve got an apartment just a couple of blocks away.” He didn’t consider the danger of bringing a strange hooker to his home. He figured if Dean killed him, it would be fine with him. If all he did was rob him, he didn’t have much of value anyway.

Dean nodded, and they began to walk.

“You’re not going to murder me and cut up my body in your bathtub, right?”

Cas was shocked. “What? No. I’m not a murderer.” He wanted to laugh. Maybe he was a killer. But he killed people the legal way, with medicine and surgery.

Cas unlocked the door and stepped aside for Dean. Dean walked in an looked around.

“Sure you can afford me, man?

Cas looked around the room. For the first time in a very long time, he saw how shabby the room was.

“I can afford you.”

Dean smirked. “Look, nothing personal, but I get paid before anything happens.”

Cas pulled out his wallet, opened it and counted out fifty dollars. He handed it to Dean.

Dean took it with a bright smile. Cas looked at Dean’s full, plush lips.

“Okay! So what’s your pleasure? You want to fuck me, or do you want me to fuck you?”

“Why are you a hooker?”

Dean’s smile faded. “I just am, okay? I don’t need you to play psychiatrist with me. Let’s just get naked.”

Cas stood and looked at Dean. 

“Just take the money and go.”

Dean frowned. “You don’t want to fuck? Great. I could be with someone who does.”

Cas opened the front door. “Keep the money. Just leave.”

Dean pushed the bills into his pocket. “Okay, fine, thanks.” 

He turned and left, and Cas shut the door behind him. He sat on the couch with a sigh.

Was this what he’d sunk to? Letting some hooker pick him up? 

“Fuck.”

He went to the kitchen and poured himself another drink from the bottle he kept stashed under the sink. He drank it down, then walked to the bedroom. If he got to sleep soon, he could get five hours before he had to be up. He threw himself down on the bed, fully clothed, didn’t even take off his shoes. 

The alarm felt like a knife to his eyes. He groaned and hit the clock, knocking it off the table.

“Fuck!”

He sat up with a groan and walked to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He had the pot set to brew a half an hour before his alarm went off. It was the saving grace of his mornings. He’d long since learned that he couldn’t make a decent pot of coffee hungover.

He finished his coffee, stripped off his clothes and got into the shower. He let the hot water roll over his aching muscles. He washed up, got out and dried off. He walked to the bedroom and chose the clothes he would wear today. He thought of his clothes as a disguise, allowing people to see what they thought he was, never having a clue to his real self.

His thoughts drifted back to Dean. The guy was gorgeous, seemed smart enough. Cas idly wondered what series of events in the man’s life led him to be a prostitute.

He let that go as he checked his wallet, got his keys and went to drive himself to the hospital.

He walked in, forcing himself to smile at the nurses and orderlies who said good morning to him. He went to the doctor’s lounge and got his white lab coat out of his locker and put the stethoscope around his neck. He went to get the report from the night intern with a sigh.

There was a toddler with a fever, an old man who probably had a heart attack, two women who had been in a car wreck. The intern told Cas about the lab orders, the surgeon who had seen one of the women.

And then there was the guy who had been beaten up. He had two broken ribs, a slight tear in his spleen that wouldn’t require surgery. They wanted to keep the guy for observation since he was beaten so badly. Cas looked at the chart. There was evidence that the man had been raped, but he refused a rape kit.

“Dean Winchester”

Cas looked up sharply as the intern told him that the guy was probably a hooker.


	2. Chapter 2

After report, Cas took the file and walked to the room that Dean Winchester was in. He stopped at the door, and looked at Dean. It was the Dean he knew. 

Dean’s left eye was swollen shut. His face was bruised and swollen, his lip was split. He had an IV in his arm, and was covered with a sheet. The arm Cas could see had a bruise around the wrist and a tattoo. Dean was asleep.

Cas sighed, and walked in the room. He checked Dean’s IV and stood, looking at him.

Dean opened his good eye and looked at Cas. He tried to smile, but winced at the pain that caused his lip and jaw.

“Hey there. Are you real, or just a hallucination from the awesome drugs I’m on?”

Cas frowned. “I am entirely too real. What happened to you?”

Dean frowned. “After you told me to get out, I ran into Conan the Barbarian who had a bit of a gay panic on me.”

“You refused a rape kit.”

Dean looked away. “Professional hazard. No reason to get worked up over it.”

Cas opened his file. “If they didn’t use a condom, you’re going to need to be tested.”

Dean looked back at him. “He didn’t. And I know.”

Cas closed the file again. “I’ll order them. You’re going to be here for a few days while your spleen heals. No reason to wait.”

Dean nodded. “When am I going to get into a room?”

“Soon. I’ll check and let you know.” He turned to leave.

“Are you really a doctor?”

Cas turned back and sighed. “So it says on the certificate that hangs on my wall.”

“Why did you tell me to leave?” Dean looked at him intently.

“I honestly don’t know, Dean.” 

Cas left to check on Dean’s room, and to see to the other patients.

Dean was transferred to a room on the second floor an hour later. Room 220. Cas checked.

Ten hours later, Cas was off. He normally went home, tried to eat something and went straight to the bar. This time he went to room 220.

When he got there, the bed was empty and he was momentarily startled. Then he heard the sound of Dean pissing in the bathroom. He listened to the sound of Dean washing his hands and them the door opened. Dean came out, pushing the IV pole ahead of him.

He saw Cas and smiled.

“Can’t stay away, huh?” Dean smiled a little. He walked back to bed, his very fine ass bared for Cas when he turned and the hospital gown gaped open. Cas stared at it.

“Stop lookin’ at my ass, doc. Help me get back in bed.”

Cas walked to help him. When Dean was in, Cas pulled the covers up for him, as Dean groaned.

“Fuck, everything hurts.”

Cas pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down.

“Why do you prostitute yourself?’

Dean gave him a sharp look. “Because it’s the best I can do with just a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude.”

Cas nodded. “Don’t you have any family? Someone who cares what you do?”

Dean frowned. “What is this? You want my life story? Knock it off. I’m not playing.”

“Okay Dean. I was just curious.”

Dean looked at his hand. “What do you care? I’m just some slut who picked you up in a bar and then you told me to get lost.”

Cas sighed. “A decision I’m regretting at the moment. If I hadn’t sent you away, you wouldn’t be here now.”

Dean snorted. “You think this is the first time? This ain’t my first rodeo, cowboy. You are officially off the hook.”

Cas looked at him. “That may be so, but this time is solely on me.”

“What’s your deal anyway? You just some do-gooder that hangs around sleazy bars looking for wayward boys to help? Newsflash, doc, I ain’t your responsibility.”

Cas nodded. “I’ll have your STD results in the morning. Try to get some sleep.” He got up and left.

He drove home, and instead of going to the bar, he poured himself a drink and sat on the couch. He didn’t understand why he cared about Dean. The man was just a street whore. But he did, nevertheless. He felt there was more to Dean than he let people see. 

He hadn’t cared about anyone in a long time. He didn’t particularly like the feeling, but he couldn’t deny it. He drank his whiskey and went to bed. 

In the morning, he checked on Dean’s tests. They revealed that he had gonorrhea but the rapid result from his HIV test showed negative. They sent a sample out to a lab for a more comprehensive test that would be back in three days.

Cas went to Dean’s room. Dean was eating breakfast. 

“Hey doc. How’s it hanging?”

Cas smiled. “I have your test results. You have gonorrhea but your HIV test came back negative. You’ll just need some antibiotics.”

Dean grinned. “I guess that’s good news.”

“It is very good news. I’ve ordered the antibiotics for you. The nurse should bring them to you soon.”

Dean took a sip of coffee. “Thanks.”

“It was no problem Dean. I’ll be back to see you later.”

Cas went to work. 

It was a hard day. He had two critically injured people from a motorcycle accident. He worked feverishly on them and they both survived. It didn’t make him feel any better about himself or his job, even though several nurses praised his work.

He walked to Dean’s room in a funk.

Dean was flipping through the channels on the television when he walked in. Dean shut the tv off and tossed the remote on the tray table.

“Why don’t they have any porn channels on this thing?”

Cas chuckled. “I’ll recommend it at the next staff meeting.” He got the chair and pulled it next to the bed and sat down.

“How are you feeling?”

Dean grinned. “Like I got hit by a truck, thanks.”

“I could order you more pain meds if you need them.”

Dean flashed a frown. “No thanks. I don’t like them.”

Cas didn’t question him about that. 

“Doc says I can get out tomorrow.”

Cas thought about that. “Do you have anyone to help you? You’re going to need to take it really easy when you get out.”  
“Nope. Don’t need anyone, though. I can take care of myself.”

“Dean, do you have anywhere to go? Do you have an apartment?”

Dean looked away. “Well no, but I have some friends who let me crash on their couches. I’ll be okay.”

Cas was horrified. “Dean, you can’t just crash on someone’s couch! You had a torn spleen!”

Dean sighed. “Look, I’ll be okay, alright? I’m not your responsibility.”

Cas stood up and got close to Dean’s bed. “Dean, I don’t care what you say. I feel responsible for what happened to you. If I hadn’t let you come home with me, and if I hadn’t then sent you away, you wouldn’t be here. You’re coming home with me.”

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Cas cut him off.

“This is non-negotiable, Dean. You can’t tell me no.”

“And if I do?”

Cas crossed his arms. “Then I’ll see to it that you don’t get released.”

“Jesus. Okay, dad! But you do realize I don’t even know your name?”

Cas was surprised. Of course he had never told Dean his name. “It’s Castiel Novak.”

Dean grumbled, “Okay, _Dr. Novak_. I’ll come home with you, but I’m leaving as soon as I’m healed up.”

Cas smiled. “Okay, it’s a deal.”


	3. Chapter 3

Cas was off the next three days, so it worked out perfectly. He showed early the next morning. They waited for the doctor to release him, and then for the nurse to take out his IV. Cas got his clothes, and noticed the small circle of blood on the ass of Dean’s jeans. He handed Dean his clothes without making a remark.

The nurse pushed Dean in a wheelchair to the parking lot while Cas got his car. They got Dean in and Cas drove them to his apartment.

When they got inside, Cas told Dean he could take a shower and that he’d find him something to wear. 

“Your clothes need washing.”

Dean nodded. He took the towel and went to the bathroom. After a few moments, he opened the door and tossed his clothes out.

Cas went and picked them up. There was more blood on Dean’s underwear. Cas wasn’t sure it would come out, but he threw everything in the washer anyway. He found a pair of sweatpants and a soft T shirt, He knocked on the bathroom door and opened it.

“I’ll just leave the clothes on the counter.” Dean grunted.

Cas made some sandwiches and heated some soup for lunch. Dean walked into the kitchen, his hair still wet.

“Sit down, lunch will be ready in a second.” Dean sat.

When Cas put the food on the table, he sat down too.

“Dean, do you have any personal possessions you’d like me to go get for you? More clothes… anything?”

Dean dipped the corner of his grilled cheese sandwich in his tomato soup and took a bite.

“I have some clothes. They’re at a friend’s place. I could call her and ask her to bring them over. I’ll need your phone though. Mine got broken.”

He didn’t say ‘when I got attacked’ but Cas knew that was what happened. He nodded.

After lunch, Cas handed Dean his phone and went to clean up the kitchen. He didn’t want to intrude, but he could hear Dean.

“Hey Meg. It’s Dean.”

“Yeah, I was in the hospital.”

“Got beat up. Yeah, you know how it goes.”

“Listen, I’m staying with… a new friend and I need my stuff. Can you bring it by? I’ll text you the address. Thanks, kid.”

Dean walked into the kitchen. “Hey, what’s the address here?” Cas told him and he texted it.

Cas told Dean he needed to take it easy. He handed Dean the tv remote. Dean turned it on and checked out what was available.

“No porn channels?’

Cas shook his head. “No. sorry, there’s Netflix though. They have some good gay movies.”

Dean laughed. “Not gay enough dude. Nevermind. I’ll find something.”

Cas took a seat in the chair and watched Dean choose a Marvel movie.

“I’ve never seen this before.”

Dean looked at him with disbelief. “Wait. you’ve never seen this one before?”

Cas shook his head. “I’ve never watched any Marvel movie.”

Dean slapped his forehead. “Dude, I know you’re kind of a nerd, but everyone loves the Marvel universe! I am seriously going to have to school you.”

They were halfway through the Avengers when there was a knock on the door. Dean paused the movie and Cas went to answer the door.

There was a woman standing there. She was wearing skin tight leather pants, a T shirt that was cut so low Cas was sure he could see her nipples. She had dark hair piled on her head, and way too much eye makeup on.

“Yeah, is this where Dean is staying?”

From the couch, Dean yelled, “Meg!”

Meg walked around Cas and went to the couch. She stood with one hand on her hip and the other holding a garbage bag.

“Damn, man! Someone fucked you up!”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, you know how it goes.”

“Do I ever. So, who’s your ‘new friend’?” She used finger quotes.

Cas walked up to her. “Castiel Novak. Please to meet you.”

Meg squealed at a pitch that hurt Cas’ ears. “Dean! He’s adorable. What the fuck are you doing here?”

Dean laughed. “Meg, he’s a doctor.”

Meg looked like someone had shot her with a gun. She grabbed her stomach.

“A doctor? You got a doctor?”

“Don’t cream yourself, Meg. He’s just helping me out while I’m on the mend.”

Meg grinned at him. “Oh! Okay, got it. Just helping you out. Okay. Anything you say.”

Cas sighed. “Would you like some coffee?”

Meg laughed. “Polite too! Uh, no thanks, doc. I gotta get going. Here’s your stuff, gorgeous.”

“Thanks, Meg. I’ll call you when I get a new phone.”

Meg nodded, turned and left. 

Cas looked at Dean. “Well, she is… interesting.”

Dean laughed. “That’s one way to put it. But Meg’s been a friend to me for a long time.”

They went back to the movie.

Cas enjoyed it a lot. But Dean looked tired. 

“Let me show you your bedroom, Dean. I think you should lay down before dinner.”

Dean grabbed his bag and followed Cas to the spare room. It had a double bed, a bedside table, a chair, a small chest of drawers and a full length mirror. 

“Nice, Cas. thanks. I’ll be fine here.”

Cas shut the door behind him. He walked to the couch and sat down.

_ ‘What the hell are you doing, Novak? Why did you invite him to stay here?’ _

A tiny voice in the back of his head reminded him that he was at least part way responsible for Dean getting beaten up and raped. He went to the kitchen and poured himself a finger of whiskey and drank it down.

He got Dean’s clothes out of the washer. Just as he feared, the underwear was permanently stained with blood. But the jeans were fine. He put them in the dryer. He got a load of his clothes and put them in the washer.

He puttered around, doing some cleaning. It was obvious he hadn’t done anything in far too long. There was a layer of dust over everything. He dusted, mopped the kitchen and cleaned the bathroom.

He was just finishing up when Dean came out of the bedroom. 

Cas asked him if pizza was okay for dinner. 

“Sure! Who doesn’t like pizza?”

After establishing what toppings Dean liked, he called and ordered two mediums. He looked in the fridge for something to drink. There was only beer. He grabbed a couple and took them out to where Dean was sitting on the couch. He handed one to Dean who took it with a smile.

When the pizza arrived, Dean chose another Marvel movie and they watched it. 

Cas smiled. “I see the appeal.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, that Tony Stark is one hot man”

Cas laughed. “I kind of prefer Dr. Strange, but yes, he is.”   
When the movie was over, Cas told Dean good night and went to his room.


	4. Chapter 4

Cas woke up to the smell of coffee. It took him a second to figure out what was going on. The first thing that he realized was that he wasn’t hungover. Next, the alarm hadn’t gone off, but then he remembered it was his day off. When he heard someone in the kitchen, he remembered Dean.

He sat upon the side of the bed. He grabbed some pants off the floor and pulled them on, forgoing underwear. He grabbed a shirt and went to the kitchen. Dean was just shutting the refrigerator door.

“Morning, sunshine! Man, everything in your fridge is a science experiment. All you got is a bunch of canned shit.”

Cas walked to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup. “Yeah, well, I don’t eat here much. I guess I need to go shopping.”

Dean laughed and opened a cabinet. “Yeah, I was going to fix us breakfast, but unless you like starting your day with refried beans and chicken noodle soup, I guess it’s a no-go.”

Cas laughed. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound very appetizing.”

Dean grabbed his cup and sat down. Cas sat down too.

“I guess I’ll go get us something for breakfast, and then I’ll go shopping later. Make me a list.”

He found paper and a pen and went out to get breakfast. He was back soon, with a bag of fast food.

Dean grabbed the bag and pulled out egg mcmuffins and sausage. He handed one to Cas and dug in.

When they were done, Dean handed Cas the list. 

“Look, I’ll pay you back when I can.”

Cas shook his head. “You don’t have to pay me back. It’s fine. It’s the least I can do.”

Dean frowned. “Man, you gotta get over this. You aren’t responsible for what happened. Believe me, this isn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last.”

Cas sighed. “Dean, if you keep doing…  _ that, _ you’ll end up dead.”

Dean sighed. “Hazards of the trade, my friend. Stop acting like my dad. I’ll be fine.”

“It’s not fine. You’re not fine! Let me at least try to find you a job.”

Dean stood up. “Stop it Cas, Just stop.” He left the room, and Cas heard the sound of the bedroom door closing. He sighed and grabbed the list and his key and went shopping.

Cas came back an hour later with more groceries than he’d ever gotten at one time in his life. He sat some of the bags down to open the door.

When Dean saw him, he rushed to help.

“Just get the light ones, Dean. You shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy.”

Dean nodded. Together, they got all the bags in the kitchen. Dean looked at them with a grin.

“Jesus, Cas, did you buy one of everything?”

Cas smiled. “I needed to stock up. Not used to having company.”

Dean nodded and they put everything away.

They had another cup of coffee.

“So, Cas, any family.?”

Cas sighed. “Yes, I have family. I just don’t talk to any of them, except for my older brother Gabriel.”

“Well, that sucks. Why don’t you talk to them?”

Cas sighed again. “My mother is deeply religious. My father died when I was little. I have four brothers, and all but one of them is just as religious as my mother. They think being gay is an abomination, that I’m going to hell for my disgusting sins.”

Dean frowned. “Ouch! Sorry about that.”

Cas looked at him. “No reason to be sorry, I’ve come to terms with it. Haven’t had any contact for years.”

“How did you pay for medical school?”

Cas smiled. “My father left substantial trust funds for each of us.”

Dean grinned, “Ah so you’re loaded huh? Marry me?”

They both laughed. Cas realized he couldn’t remember the last time he’d even laughed, let alone laughed as much as he had with Dean.

“So, your turn. What’s your family like?”

Dean smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Virtually nonexistent. My parents are dead, and all I have is a younger brother.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. Where is your brother?”. 

Dean grinned. “He’s in college. Learning to be a lawyer. He got a full ride to Stanford. He’s the smart one of us two. I send him money every month to help out.”

Cas tilted his head. “Does he know what you do for that money?”

“Jesus, no! He thinks I’m a mechanic. I’d never want him to find out that I’m a street whore.”

Cas winced. “Dean, don’t say that.”

Dean looked at Cas. “Why not? That’s what I am. I sell my ass for money to any guy with a fifty and a condom.”

Cas sighed. It really hurt to hear what Dean said. He liked Dean, enjoyed spending time with him. He needed to help him.

“Dean, you can stay here.”

Dean laughed derisively. “What a great idea! I can bring my johns here instead of sucking their dicks in an alley. It’ll be fun! You can listen to them fuck me while you try to sleep.”

“Stop. Just stop.” Cas got up and went to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Cas sat on the bed with his face in his hands. He felt defeated. Why had he ever told Dean that he could stay here? Dean was a unrepentant prostitute. Why did he like Dean so much? It was a hopeless situation.

He got up, walked to the living room and grabbed his coat. Dean sat on the couch watching him.

“I’m going out. Don’t wait up.”

He walked to the bar. He sat on his stool and ordered a whiskey.

“Haven’t seen you in a few days. Thought you’d either gone on the wagon or found a new waterhole.” The bartender smiled at him. Cas didn’t answer. 

Hours passed. It got dark outside. Then the bartender took Cas’ glass away.

“Look, pal, you’ve had enough. Go home and sleep it off.”

Cas stumbled out and weaved his way back to the apartment. He was trying to get his key in the door when it opened. Dean stood there.

Cas pushed by him. 

“Uh, you’re drunk.”

Cas laughed. “Yes, Dean. I’m drunk. And now I’m going to bed.”

Dean stood there, watching Cas stumble to his bedroom. Cas sat on the bed and tried to get his shoe off. The next thing he knew, Dean was kneeling at his feet, pulling off his shoes.

“Don’t need help.”

Dean looked up at him. “It sure looks like you do. Lay down, Cas.”

Cas laid down and Dean covered him with a blanket. He promptly passed out. 


	5. Chapter 5

Slowly, Cas came to. He didn’t open his eyes. He felt like he was being stabbed in the head. He groaned and turned over. 

And felt someone else next to him. He opened his eyes, and Dean was next to him, asleep.

He hurried to look down, and yes, he was still fully clothed. Dean was too. 

He sat up, gasping at the pain in his head. His mouth tasted horrible. He swung his legs over the side of the bed. 

Quietly, he heard Dean say. “Morning, sunshine.”

Cas stood up and turned around. “What are you doing in my bed?”

Dean sat back against the headboard and smiled. “I was afraid you’d puke and choke to death. You were wasted, man.”

Cas attempted to nod, but it hurt too much. He went to the bathroom and found some pain pills. He dry swallowed three of them and went to get a glass of water from the kitchen. Dean followed him.

“Look, I’m sorry. I never should have said that crap to you. You’ve been nothing but nice to me. I’m… I’m not used to it, okay?”

Cas drank his water and turned to look at Dean. “I’m not used to being nice to anyone.”

They both chuckled, then stood looking at each other. Dean’s eyes flicked down to Cas’ lips.

Then Dean surged forward, kissing Cas. Cas stood stiff for a moment, then relaxed and kissed back.

Dean grabbed the back of Cas’ neck and pulled him closer. Cas put his hands on Dean’s hips.

Then Dean broke the kiss and dropped to his knees. He reached for Cas’ zipper.

“Wait! What are you doing?”

Dean smiled up at him through those long lashes, “What do you think I’m doing?”

Cas yelled, “No! Stop it!” He pushed Dean away, and Dean fell on his ass. Cas ran from the room.

He stood, trying to catch his breath. After a few minutes, Dean came out.

“Look, I get it. You don’t want my whore mouth on you. I understand, if I was you, I wouldn’t want me either.”

Cas tried to speak. He wanted to say that wasn’t it, Dean didn’t understand. But nothing came out.

He wasn’t entirely aware of Dean going to his bedroom, but suddenly Dean was there, holding his garbage bag full of clothes.

“Good bye, Cas. Thanks for everything.”

He walked out the door. Cas watched him go. He didn’t do anything, say anything to stop him. He was frozen, incapable of speaking.

But when Dean was gone, Cas looked at the door.

“You don’t understand, Dean. It’s me… I’m not good enough for you.”

Dean walked down the street. He headed for Meg’s but he needed to stop and cry in an alley. He threw his bag against the alley wall and swore. When he pulled himself together again, he grabbed his bag and started walking again.

It took him an hour, but finally he was knocking on Meg’s door. “Please be home, please be home…”

Meg answered and looked shocked to see him. She stepped aside and Dean walked in. He dropped his bag.

“What are you doing here, Dean? I thought you were staying with the doc?”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, well, that didn’t work out. Can I crash here for a few days?”

Meg told him of course he could. She fired up a joint and they got high.

“I was so stupid, Meg. I honestly thought for a day that I could have him. That he liked me. He was just being nice because he felt guilty about me getting beat up.”

Meg took the last pull on the joint and dropped it in an ashtray. “Well, that’s fucked up. Want me to beat him up? Cause I totally will.”

Dean shook his head. “No, thanks. I just want to forget he ever happened.”

Cas sat on the couch, staring at nothing, until it was dark. Then he went to the bar. He was half hoping Dean would be there, but of course, he wasn’t. The bartender kept his glass full.

“Want to talk about it? You look unhappier than you usually do.”

Cas shook his head. “Nothing to talk about.”

The bartender nodded and went away.

He drank until closing, then stumbled home and passed out again.

He felt like death warmed over in the morning, but he got up, showered and went to work. People stayed away from him all day. His mood was darker than usual. He went through the motions, took care of patients, but all he could think about was Dean.

Dean went out the next night to make some money. Meg fronted him some condoms. He did three blow jobs and some fat, sweaty guy who wanted Dean to fuck him in the alley. The only way he could get hard and stay hard was to think about Cas. 

The next night it got easier. And then the next night. By the end of the week, Dean hardly thought about Cas at all. At least, that’s what he told Meg.

Cas’ disposition did not improve. He hated going home, it was too empty now, too quiet. He spent all his off time at the bar or sleeping. He was aware that the nurses were talking about him. He didn’t care. He did his job, saving people. That’s all that mattered. He just did his goddamn job and didn’t kill anyone.

He tried not to think about Dean, wonder how he was, if he was okay. That led to him imagining Dean blowing some stranger, or worse. And that was too painful. So he just drank more to dull his mind and sleep.

A month passed. Then two. They both fell back into their routines. If they both cried when they were alone, it was nobody’s business but their own. 

Dean dialed back how many men he went with. It wasn’t fun anymore, and Dean started to wonder if it ever was. He stayed with Meg, and just worked enough to send Sammy money and keep himself alive.

Cas cut back his drinking. He knew he was killing himself, and it didn’t even taste good anymore. He spent more time at home, watching Marvel movies. He really liked them, even if he did feel sad after. He had questions he wished Dean could answer for him.

Life went on. 


	6. Chapter 6

It had been close to six months when Meg was brought into Cas’ ER by ambulance. She’d been stabbed, and had lost a lot of blood. Cas worked feverishly to stabilize her. When they were getting ready to take her to surgery, she grabbed Cas’ wrist.

“My phone… call Dean… please…”

Cas looked through her belongs and found her phone. He scrolled through her contacts until Dean’s name came up.

He shoved the phone in his pocket. It was after his shift and the night doctor was waiting for report.

When he was done, he went to the lounge and took Meg’s phone out. He found Dean’s number again, and pushed the ‘call’ button. Dean answered after a couple of rings.

“Yeah, Meg? What’s shaking?”

Cas took a deep breath to still his heart. “Dean?”

There was a lull. Then, “Cas? Is that you?”

Cas took another deep breath. “Yes, Dean, it’s me.”

Dean sounded panicked. “Did something happen to Meg?”

“Yes, she was stabbed. She’s going to surgery now. It’s bad, Dean.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Cas went to the waiting room and watched the door.

Dean ran in and looked around. When he saw Cas, he walked to him.

“Cas.”

Cas looked into the green eyes that had been haunting him for all this time.

“Dean. There isn’t any word yet. She’s still in surgery.”

Dean sat down heavily. “Fuck.”

Cas touched Dean’s hand, and Dean grabbed it and held on tight.

“They’ll do everything they can, Dean.”

Dean looked at him and smiled a little. “It’s good to see you.”

Cas smiled back at him. “It’s good to see you too, Dean. How have you been?”

Dean looked at their hands. “I’m doing well, Cas. I… I quit hooking. I’ve got a job in a record store.”

Cas was thrilled. “Dean, that’s so good! It makes me very happy to hear that.”

Dean looked back at him, his face a little red. “I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t forget how you were so repulsed by me.”

Cas wanted to cry. “Oh Dean, I wasn’t repulsed by you! I was a coward. I… I didn’t know how to tell you about me. I’m the one who wasn’t good enough, Dean. It was me.”

Dean looked at him with amazement on his face. “What the hell are you talking about, Cas?”

Cas sighed. “Let’s go somewhere more private. I left word for them to text me when Meg is out of surgery.”

He got up and led Dean to the doctor’s lounge, which was thankfully empty. Cas locked the door behind them. Dean sat down, and Cas stood with his head down.

“Dean, I didn’t know how to tell you that I killed my boyfriend.”

Dean just stared at him.

“We were in a relationship. We were in love. It was when we were interns together, and we worked at a religious hospital, so we kept our relationship a secret. Then one night, Aaron was brought in. He’s been hit by a truck on his motorcycle. I told him that bike was dangerous, but he loved it.”

Cas sighed deeply and sat down. “I was the surgeon on duty. And rather than tell anyone that we were in love, I kept my mouth shut. I thought I could operate on him, save his life. I… I failed. He died on the table. I missed a bleeder. He bled out. I killed him.”

Cas bit back a sob.

Dean got up and knelt in front of Cas. He grabbed Cas’ hands in his.

“Cas, you didn’t kill him. I’m sure it was just, I don’t know, meant to be. You couldn’t have been the only surgeon in the room, and they all missed it. It wasn’t your fault.”

Cas started to cry. Dean held him. After a bit, Cas stopped and sat back.

“Dean, I miss you so much.”

Dean smiled. “I miss you too, doc.”

Just then, Cas’ phone chimed. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the text.

“Meg is out of surgery, she’s going to be fine, Dean.”

Dean grinned. “Thank god.”

“She won’t be awake until morning. Dean, will you… will you come home with me?”

Dean smiled. “I’d like that, Cas.”

They walked into Cas’ living room and Cas switched on the light. 

“Man you did some redecorating.”

Cas laughed. “I did. I got to looking around and figured out it looked like a homeless camp in here.”

Dean laughed too. “It sorta did. I like this. It looks more like you, I think.”

They sat on the couch. Cas fidgeted with his hands.

“Relax, Cas.”

Cas looked at him. “I just can’t believe you’re really here.”

“Well, I am.”

They moved towards each other at the same time. They paused, not touching lips but close enough to feel each other’s breath on their lips.

Then Cas kissed Dean. Dean responded and made it deeper. They angled their faces and began to run their tongues together, kissing hot and wet.

It could have been minutes, hours, even days. Cas had no idea. All he knew was that it was Dean.

Dean broke away, and slid off the couch to his knees. He reached for Cas’ zipper.

“You aren’t going to knock me on my ass are you?”

Cas reached out and caressed Dean’s face. “Nope. Go for it.”

Dean grinned and unzipped Cas’ pants. He popped the button and opened them. Then he reached into Cas’ boxers and pulled out Cas’ erect dick.

Dean licked his lips, then ran his tongue over the head. Cas gasped.

Dean looked up at Cas through his long lashes, his eyes happy. He took Cas’ cock in his mouth, and sank all the way down to the base, letting Cas’ cock go into his throat.

Cas put his hands in Dean’s hair, trying not to yank on it.

Dean pulled back, swirling his tongue along the underside of it, and then tounged the slit. Cas moaned.

Dean ran his tongue under the ridge of the head and then sank down again. He kept it up, sucking and tonguing, fondling Cas’ balls until he knew Cas was getting ready to come.

“Dean… Dean I’m going to…”

Dean hummed and that was it. Cas filled Dean’s mouth with the salty goodness of his cum. Dean swallowed it all and licked Cas clean.

Cas sat back and tried to catch his breath. Dean sat back down on the couch next to him.

When he could speak, he pushed Dean down on his back.

“My turn.” He opened Dean’s pants.

“I’m not gonna last long, Cas.”

Cas smiled and pulled Dean’s cock out. He put his mouth on the head and sucked. Dean moaned and grabbed Cas’ hair.

Cas could give as good as he got. He loved the taste of Dean, the feeling of having Dean’s cock in his mouth. It was thick and heavy, skin like silk. He made Dean come quickly and was pretty proud of himself for swallowing everything Dean gave him, even though it had been such a long time.

They laid together on the couch until Cas stood up and pulled Dean to his feet.

“Come on, Dean, let’s go to bed.”


	7. Chapter 7

Cas woke up to being the big spoon, Dean wrapped in his arms. Cas took a minute to savor the moment. He had the next three days off, so there was no rush. He gripped Dean a little tighter.

“Morning sunshine”

Cas laughed. “Good morning to you. How did you sleep?”

Dean rolled towards Cas. “I slept better than I have in years.”

Cas kissed him. They kissed for a while, then Cas pulled away.

“We should have breakfast and go to see Meg.”

Dean smiled at him. “Sounds like a plan.”

Dean was truly impressed with the amount of food Cas had.

Cas looked slightly ashamed. “When you left, I had so much food, I was forced to cook for myself. I discovered I liked it.”

Dean smiled and got them both a cup of coffee.

When they were done, they got in Cas’ car and Cas drove them to the hospital. They found out what room Meg was in, and walked there.

Meg was awake, eating breakfast. She smiled when they walked in.

“Hey, you two! You look pretty damn happy.”

Dean grinned. “We are. Now, what the fuck happened to you?”

Meg sighed. “Just a little disagreement between bitches. No big deal.”

Cas frowned. “Meg, you almost died.”

“And you saved me. And it got the two of you back together, it appears. So it was totally worth it.”

Cas and Dean looked at each other and smiled.

“So, you finally moving out of my place, Dean?”

Dean looked at Cas. Cas nodded. “He is.”

Meg laughed. “Jesus, look at you two, making puppy eyes at one another. I laughed, I cried, I threw up in my mouth a little.”

They visited with her a little then a nurse chased them out, saying Meg needed her rest. They promised to come back the next day, and left.

Dean directed Cas to Meg’s, and they got his stuff. Cas drove them home.

When they got there, Dean threw his bag on the floor, turned and pulled Cas to him. They kissed, harder than before, needier. Dean had his hands on Cas’ face, Cas had his arms around Dean’s waist. 

Dean broke the kiss and whispered in Cas’ ear, his hot breath giving Cas goosebumps, “Cas, fuck me. Please? I want you so bad…”

“I want that too.” Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and led him to the bedroom. 

Their kisses got desperate as they pulled each other’s clothes off. When they were naked, they fell on the bed, still kissing. 

Cas pushed Dean flat on his back and crawled over him. He straddled Dean’s thighs, sitting back on his knees. He smiled down at Dean and let his eyes roam over Dean’s body.

“God, Dean. you are the most gorgeous man in the world.”

Dean blushed and tried to look away, but Cas took Dean’s chin and made him look at him.

“Don’t. Let me.”

Cas began to explore Dean’s body with his hands. He ran them over Dean’s chest, then to his belly. He ran them along Dean’s sides. He looked at, but never touched, Dean’s hard cock, thick and cut, with precum shiny on the head.

Dean whined, and Cas leaned over to kiss it away. He kissed along Dean’s jaw and down his throat. He sucked on each nipple until it was hard.

He moved to the side so Dean could spread his legs wide, and then sat between them. He touched each of Dean’s balls tenderly, then ran a finger under them. Dean moaned.

Cas leaned over to grab the bottle of lube from the bedside table. He smiled down at Dean while he opened it and poured some in his hand. Dean never broke the eye contact as he lifted his legs high.

Cas slid a lubed finger into Dean. Dean groaned and clenched down on it, then relaxed. Cas fucked him with it for a moment, then added a second one. He found Dean’s prostate and rubbed over it. Dean flinched.

“Too much, Cas.”

Cas smiled and pulled his fingers out. He used the lube on his cock, then positioned himself over Dean and pushed in.

Dean grabbed Cas’ arms and groaned. “God, Cas… oh my god. It’s… it’s so good…”

Cas never paused until his balls hit Dean’s ass. He pulled all the way out, then shoved in again, and they both moaned.

Cas put his arms under Dean’s knees and leaned forward. He pulled back and pushed back in, harder and faster with every thrust.

“You feel amazing… better than I ever imagined you would.” Cas leaned forward more and kissed Dean. It was messy, wet and needy.

Dean’s hole seemed to suck Cas in. Dean was tight. He was warm inside. Cas concentrated on how his cock felt as Dean’s rim embraced it. 

Dean tightened his grip on Cas’ upper arms, saying softly over and over, “Oh god… fuck… oh god fuck…” Dean put his hand on his cock, running it up and down fast, until he gasped out, “Gonna… gonna come…”

He came all over himself, getting some on Cas. Cas watched Dean’s face. It was beautiful when he came. Cas wanted to see that face every day for the rest of his life.

Cas was free to find his own orgasm and he went for it. He thrust into Dean hard and let himself go. He felt his balls tighten and then it spread out. He moaned loudly and came so hard his vision whited out, He felt every shot of cum that marked Dean as his.

When he opened his eyes, Dean was looking up at him with a smile. Cas fucked in and out of Dean for a couple more minutes, then pulled out. He laid on the bed next to Dean, catching his breath.

When he could speak, “I love you, Dean. I have since the moment you sat down next to me in that bar. I’ve always loved you, and I always will.”

Dean moved closer to him. “I love you too. More than I ever thought possible,”

Cas leaned over the edge of the bed and found a shirt. He didn’t even look to see who’s shirt it was, he just wiped them both off and tossed it back on the floor. He gathered Dean to him and they slept.


	8. Chapter 8

They woke up at the same time. They kissed for a bit, then Dean pulled away.

“I’m starving.”

Cas laughed. “Let’s see what we can do about that.”

They pulled on boxers and went to the kitchen. Dean sat at the table and checked his phone.

“Fuck!”

Cas turned to look at him. “What is it?”

Dean sighed. “I got fired for not showing up and not calling.”

Cas went and sat at the table. “Dean, we need to talk. Come on.” He walked to the living room with Dean coming after him. They sat on the couch together.

“Dean, how much money do you send to your brother every month?”

Dean looked confused, but said, “I don’t know. At least a hundred, usually two when I have it.”

Cas smiled. “How about if I send him four hundred every month?”

Dean looked shocked. “Cas! How can you do that?”

“Remember when I told you that my father left each of us a trust fund?”

Dean nodded. 

“Well I didn’t tell you how much. It’s a lot, Dean.”

Dean stared at him for a moment. “You’re… like,  _ rich _ ?”

Cas laughed. “I prefer the term ‘Well off’ but yeah, you could say that.”

Dean’s eyes were big.

“You don’t have to work, Dean. You could go back to school… become anything you want.”

Dean got a little teary. “What about you, Cas? What do you want to do now?”

Cas sat back and thought for a minute. “You know, I always wanted a house, with a yard, I could garden. I just never thought I’d have anyone to share that with.”

Dean took Cas’ hand. “Then let’s do it. Quit your job, buy a house, have a garden. You deserve that, Cas. You deserve to be happy.”

Cas laughed. “But first, we need to eat.”

While they ate, Cas told Dean that the only thing he’d ever used any of the money for was to pay for school. Other than that, it had just been sitting in a bank, collecting interest. He didn’t have any idea how much was there.

It turned out to be a substantial amount. Cas quit the hospital. They found the perfect house, with the perfect yard. They spent time decorating it just like they wanted it. Dean found an online university and began to take classes. He hadn’t decided on a major yet.

Cas started a large garden with a mix of flowers and vegetables.

When the weather permitted, they would sit on the back deck, looking at the stars.

Both Sam and Gabriel visited. Everyone got along, although both Dean and Cas were glad when they left. They preferred having the house to themselves, and not worry about how much noise they made when they fucked.

Dean ended up with a degree in English, and tried his hand at writing books. They were accepted by a publisher and Dean got mildly famous.

It was a good life, a satisfying life, in a home that love built and where love healed them both.


End file.
